Reconiliation

Loma Loma Loma

(A Forward: I love Point Loma and admire all who choose to work there and add their passions to each student’s lives. My voice in this entry is vague and means no harm.)

It will be almost one year since I graduated from Point Loma and I find myself still trying to reconcile what happened to me over those four years. What was lost, what was gained? I think about those students just about to be sent off, another batch into the wild. Have they lost their religion, will they ever stop drinking, do their parents know who they have become, will they be the next president or CEO, did they find love, do they fear their passion even more now?

I know when I started Loma I was determined to lose my religion, travel as much as possible, make as many friends as possible, learn as much as possible, and I think I just wanted to be convinced of myself. I was dying to see myself outside my families’ perception and outside my small town’s narrow choices.

Today I have real friends (kept about fifteen). I have been to eight different countries, while living in Paris and India. And I have taken enough liberal arts classes to finally understand and care about the news.

But when it came to religion I was not sure of the outcome. Loma had an easy time of disemboweling me of whatever notions of Christianity I came with. First the creation stories, then acts of justice and injustice, then moral laws traditional and modern. They brought everything to light, AND then I graduated. I felt left out in the street after a tornado comes through town and moves everyone’s house around. I get it; this institution wants us to consider what it is that we say we believe. Maybe four years is not enough time to find your theology while studying everything else, but I guess I wish one question had been answered. How vital is my theology to the rest of my life? Like a Theology in Life 101 senior year would have been amazing. By then most of us were in the business world, interning for places that will never hire us after graduation, and we want to know. When my boss asks me to lead the campaign for Sarah Palin, how will this decision change my theology? How will I see God, how will I reflect my morals and beliefs?

I know what most of you are thinking, these are decisions you need to figure out on your own. No school class could teach you what life experience can.

You are probably saying, everyone is different and they need to come to their own conclusions in their own time. Maybe you are thinking Loma did affirm your theology, so sorry to say otherwise. All I am saying is that I wish for one moment Loma would stop questioning and using critical rationalization and simply affirm God is Good. Have you seen the world today, God is Real and Good. Sometimes I wish there was more praise after so much contemplation. Maybe I asking for a dream world, a place where questions are welcome and fostered along with confidence to enter into the high places God has creates for us.

I was in chapel on Monday and for the first time I felt SAFE. I felt overjoyed being surrounded by the potential of every student in the room. Maybe having Jordan by my side spurred it on or the fact that I didn’t have a test to take after, but the spirit was alive and I was free to worship. I was finally thankful for all the hours staff and faculty put in just for this one hour to be held sacred. I sat in those seats and thought of those who have come before and those who will come after, and which professors and staff will see it all through.

I had to work for years to know my family will not define my future, they can shape it but God and I are the designers. Just the same, Point Loma will not define my life in Christ, I want it to shape it and pare it, but today I am responsible for the way I treat others, the world, and my talents. I am responsible for how much I continue to invest in my life in Christ. I guess that’s what I finally felt free to do, humbly decide what life in Christ was going to look like for ME.

I know the majority of my graduating class is either teaching English in a different country or going back to Graduate school. I wonder what their life with Christ looks like. I wonder how long they will hold resentment towards Loma and let that define them. I wonder how long before they decide what they stand for. I wonder of their potential, and how many people they touch.

I personally feel like I was picked up and am resting in the arms of Grace. I really put all my hope in our last move and it really did not work out. The feelings of failure and disappointment remind me that my plans are so finite and limited. The feelings of security and provision remind me that Gods plans are courageous and all knowing. I have never felt this, always heard about it. But it makes me what to praise, it makes me want to ring a bell and tell everyone, God is here, God is here!

I hope to reread this entry months and years from now with more confidence and more stories of God’s faithfulness, but until then I hope this finds you in peace and joy!